I mentioned the book Armchair Mystic by Mark E. Thibodeaux in my previous blog, but now I want to shamelessly promote it. The title is somewhat misleading. The book is primarily about developing a healthy prayer life. I wish that my words were adequate to describe how much this book has helped me in understanding the spiritual life. The book is simply written, short, and easy to understand (my three favorite things about a book). I would recommend this book to anyone who is seeking to understand prayer and/or teaching prayer to others. I wish that I had time to give this book an adequate review, but I am in the middle of my finals week. Here is a link to amazon to read some reviews and purchase the book if one so chooses.

Silencio

I went on a silent retreat this past Friday. I wish that I could say that I did it because I am super spiritual or because I knew that I needed it, but the real reason is that it was a class requirement. I am currently enrolled in a Spiritual Disciplines class and one of the requirements was to go to a retreat center and spend the day in silence. I have never spent more than a couple of hours in silence so this was a scary thought. I approached this retreat with both excitement and fear.

The retreat center is located near Griffith park overlooking Los Angeles. The retreat center is a Catholic owned mansion that was built in the 1920's and donated to the local Archdioceses specifically for spiritual retreats. It was an amazing house with huge doors and beautiful stonework and woodwork. It was a great place to get away from the noise of life and spend time with God.

Everyone in my class began the retreat in the chapel with the Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the hours (It was mainly scripture recitation). Then we were able to go anywhere on the grounds and spend time with God. I found a quiet bench in the courtyard and then I tried to pray. Unfortunately my mind was still going 100 miles an hour and I couldn't shut it up. So I panicked a little thinking about the next six hours of silence. I brought two books with me in case the silence became to much. I brought the Bible and Armchair Mystic. I first read from the Bible, but I couldn't concentrate so I read some of Armchair Mystic.

The author recounted a story where he would avoid spending time with God until one day when he prayed and God answered him in a unique way. God asked him, "What do you desire?"

"God's question was not the question of a manipulative mother using guilt to get her child to do some unpleasant task. No, God really wanted me to do exactly what I desired to do. He wanted no more than what I wanted. It was as though his sole purpose was to fufill my deepest desire. 'I release you,' he seemed to be saying, 'from whatever obligations you feel you have to accomplish for me. I promise to love you always--even if you never turn your face toward me again.' I was rocked even more by the response that was slowly forming inside me. 'I want to be with you, God'...I did not consciously choose to answer this way. It seemed to rise naturally from some place deep inside me, from below the surface of my superficial emotions.'"

These words comforted me and I was able to see that prayer is completely a work of God and that I only had to recieve this gift. The book also quotes a story about a Hindu disciple who asks his master about "enlightenment."

"'Master, how can we reach enlightenment?' asked the disciple. 'We can no more make enlightenment happen than make the sun rise,' was his reply. 'Then why do we pray at all?' asked the bewildered disciple. 'So that we will be awake when the sun rises,' said the master. The growth in my relationship with God is a gift from God."

These words allowed me, after two hours of silence, to finally just rest with God. I didn't need him to speak and I didn't need to speak to him, we just sat in silence. He did speak to me in the silence that day. He didn't answer my hundreds of questions or tell me the meaning of life or some profound piece of wisdom. In the silence God told me that he was with me and that was enough and for the first time in my life I agreed.

I ended the retreat that day by going through the stations of the cross in the chapel with some of my classmates and then we all met for evening prayer. It was an amazing experience and it showed me that often God doesn't speak to me because I haven't quieted myself in order to listen.

Just Some Thoughts

I have recently started a new quarter of school and one of my classes is Church Disciplines (the other two are Greek and Systematic Theology I). I am really enjoying my Church Disciplines class because it is exactly what I need at this phase of my spiritual journey. One of the books I am reading is called Spiritual Theology by Diogenes Allen. It is a great book and I am enjoying learning about the spiritual side of theology.

I am over half way through my program and I am beginning to freak out about what to do after school, but I know that God already has something planned. It may not be what I want but it will be an adventure and God will be with me.

Modern Art

Daniel A. Siedell says in his book God in the Gallery has some interesting thoughts about the relationship between modern art and Christianity.

" Moreover, there is a view that art, somehow, should communicate to the average person, who often has no real interest in putting in the time and effort required to understand and appreciate the hard-won results of artistic practice."

He also goes on to say that,

"Artists make art not because they have knowledge they want to 'express' but because they want to discover or learn something through the practice of art."

"The ultimate distinction, then, is not between Christian art and autonomous modern art but between art that in its union of form and content can bring forth or testify to an embodied transcendence, revealing our 'amphibious existence,' and art that denies such transcendence. It is thus quite possible and indeed quite probable that some of what is understood as Christian art is in fact a profoundly anti-transcendent art, presupposing a world hermetically sealed off from the contemplation of the Son, a purely immanent world in which communication consists solely of messages, sent and received, not of contemplation and communion with the Divine. In the Christian artists' zeal to express a Christian meassage, Christian art--in the bitterest of ironies--can further contribute to denying Christ's presence in the world." 164

It Will Only Feel Like an Eternity

The main draw of Christianity for many people is the fact that they will be raised from the dead and spend eternity with Christ. I have often struggled with the idea of living forever. Sometimes I wish that we were given the choice to not live forever. Don't get me wrong, I don't look forward to death. But when it happens why can't I just stay dead? I have heard people talk about how no one can understand how great heaven is or how wonderful it will be. I completely agree with them, but I still would like the choice to enjoy my life with Christ and then peacefully enter into non-existence. I really don't expect anyone to agree with me, but I will still pray for a temporal existence.

Another thing that I often question is why God will raise people for the Last Judgment. Why not just let those people be dead? Why raise people, just to punish them forever? The expression, "beating a dead horse" comes to mind here.

I know that God has a better understanding of all this than me so I will leave it in his capable hands.

Just a Quick Note to Ponder

In my Theology, Worship and Art class we talked about the connection between art and prophecy. I am purposely choosing not to elaborate on this because I want people to draw their own conclusions. We also talked about the prophets as practicing some of the earliest forms of performance art in order to bring about change (including John the Baptist).

Life is Good

I think everyone has heard songs reminding them to be thankful for the people they have in their life. Today, I am reminded of how lucky I am and how good my life is. Melody has been sick the past four days and she has been at home with me (sleeping mostly). I hate seeing her sick, but I love having her home with me while I do my homework.

I am a full time student and I have a great part time job and a wife that loves me. I don't know what else I can ask for out of this life. It becomes so easy for me to complain about an assignment or a professor, but I know that I have it so good. This life moves so fast and I don't know how long it will be this good so I want to really enjoy it. I am standing in the sun on a cold winter day hoping that the sun will stay on me as long as possible.